Thursday, 7 January 2016

BRING ON THE ECCENTRICS


There was this daring dacoity in Jalpaiguri that had quite rattled up the residents of that sleepy town. The police had come in for a lot of flak from people and media alike for their slothful response to the distress calls of the victims, and with none of its people involved for a change, even the ruling party lashed out at the men in khaki. So when the Deputy Inspector General or DIG  entered the small room in which senior officers were waiting at New Jalpaiguri station on a crisp December morning for the Home Minister to arrive by Darjeeling Mail, the Superintendent of Police  (SP) expected a torrid time from his superior. Sure enough, the DIG came straight to the point and started his inquiries rather aggressively.

'Sir, actually the engine of the thana jeep developed some trouble, and diverting another vehicle which had been sent to  the other side of town for night patrolling led to the delay ,' the SP threw a bait -of -an- explanation and waited.

'Trouble? What kind of trouble? What make was the vehicle?' the DIG enquired, grabbing the bait unknowingly.

'It was that Mahindra Peugeot Petrol, sir, ' the SP  continued, ' once your favourite.'

Arrey, that was a pretty good vehicle, I remember doing Falakata under 45 minutes in it when it had been brought a couple of years ago,' the DIG said,  quickly recalling the  beige- coloured vehicle. 

' Of course, sir, how can I forget, we had even been to Gorumara from there and driven to Sankos Tea Estate the following morning,' the SP joined him, not quite forgetting the decision he had made after they had returned never to drive with DIG  at the wheel, quite rattled with his maniacal rashness. 

' So what had happened, was there some kachra in the carburettor ?" the DIG asked , his anxiety for his old favourite jeep paramount now.

"I think you should check up the quality of fuel we are getting at the police pump," the DIG passed his first instruction in the instant dacoity case, and further remarked  on the quality of MICO spark plugs and the  fuel ingestion systems, before concluding with stories of running road repairs he had undertaken during his maiden  drive from New Delhi to Calcutta many years ago. The dacoity case was forgotten, the chance to get at the SP and his team squandered, and soon the Darjeeling Mail chugged in, the  red-coloured locomotive announcing its arrival with a hoot, a series of hisses and thousands of flies around it. The Home Minister alighted, in black glasses and white punjabi and dhoti and we went away, the constables shooing away , with typical insensitivity, people at the platform, ramp and stairs as if they were intruding goats or cattle.

I am telling you this because it had beome common knowledge that whenever one wanted to duck this DIG's inquisition, one only had to plop down the subject of cars and driving,  There was another officer who was very fastidious about the cleanliness of the campus and the uniform, and not much else. During his annual inspections, the OCs would turn out in their best, clean the fans and lavatories and floors, and even dust up  the top of  the switchboards - and came out on top even if the registers were not updated and investigations done shoddily.  

So I was fairly surprised when I read in a blog by  Walter Chen that Google, to find out "what makes a successful leader" , had " taken an evidence approach" on the basis of "upward feedback surveys…. reams of data, tens of thousands of on the job success", and " crunched the numbers " to conclude that even if it made them boring,  " leaders must be predictable and consistent, because then employees grasp that within certain parameters , they can do whatever that want". John Cameron, a leadership author says that "one of the most important and overlooked characteristics a good leader must have is consistency or predictability". 

What is your take on this? Should leaders be predictable or not? I shall await your reply after you go through this story I heard from one of my ex DGs during our journey to Jungle Mahal day before yesterday.

The incident related to his days as a young SDPO of Chandanagore and he talked about one of his SPs who, whenever visiting a police station, would sit in the OCs chair and ask the poor OC or Bada babu to read out the FIR of cases picked up at random, never for once bothering to read them himself.

' You know Vivek, there was this terrible road accident , followed by a road block in Singur, the traffic was held up and it was quite  a job even for me to talk to the crowd to agree to lift the blockade and allow removal of the dead body,' he recalled an event , the type of which is all too common  in West Bengal. 

It had taken them over an hour to normalise the movement of traffic on the road and send the dead body for post mortem examination after which they returned to the PS only to find the SP, Hooghly enter within minutes of  them.

"Bada Babu,  I am sure the FIR has been lodged by this time now " the SP said in a taken for granted voice. 

'Yes saar,' the OC snapped back in compliance, ' SDPO saab o dekhe niyechhen ( the SDPO  has also seen it).'

The young SDPO could not believe his ears . He had not seen the FIR and was hundred per cent sure the complaint had not been lodged because the mejho babu ( the second officer) had  been tasked to find a complainant  just minutes before the SP had arrived.

' Read it aloud,' the SP ordered, clasping his hands behind his neck and playfully swivelling in the OC's chair.

'Vivek, I tell you, I hadn't seen anything as brazen as this,' he leaned across his seat to tell, 'this OC took up the FIR book, put on his thick reading glasses , cleared his throat for a while, and then, gazing at a  blank page held close to him,  rattled away one of the most complete- in -details of an FIR I have ever heard!' 

' My eyes almost popped out in disbelief, ' he added excitedly,  with his eyes almost popping out. 

The SP was satisfied, never for a moment he asked for the FIR book to check and verify and after having his customary cup of tea , went away.

'Sorry sir', the OC said, ' otherwise Bodosaheb kheye phelto  ( the SP would have chewed me up).'



12 comments:

  1. Leaders should not be predictable.

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  2. This is so hilarious. Predictability is the most sought after quality of bosses by subordinates. So is the case by anyone dealing with you. It is good in a situation, where each of the participant in the activity has ownership of cause. But in an organization, where people work for pleasing bosses,unpredictability is the best leadership quality. In India this works best. In an organization with self motivated employees, it is a disaster. So no fixed formula. I really admire the way such intricate issues comes out in your blog. I have used unpredictability with management as a method to run my officer's association.

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  3. Predictably another hilarious outpouring from your pen!!

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    1. Sir I feel that leaders should be predictable from professional point of view with lots of positivity.Regards.

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  4. You are at your scintillating best when you write of 'humour in uniform' like this one. The oddball situations sound more hilarious because of your familiarity with them and the vivid description livens them some more. Please continue to be consistently unpredictable and dole out such write-ups regularly.

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  5. It is always nice to know of the humorous side of your profession as what we laymen see as outsiders is the sternness of 'kanoon ka haath'.
    If a boss is predictable (not just in decision making patterns but also in gastronomic passions and hobbies well known, it isn't difficult to handle him/her. an unhappy boss being treated in a good restaurant is likely to help with a promotion. Human nature anyway.
    The last episode of 'kheye phelto' was too good. Some of the 'not-so-fair' skills (rather pranks) from schooldays seem to come in handy - we used to try similar things when a homework was forgotten, often reading out a friends answer or spell out some gibberish just to show the work was 'done'.

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  6. Vivek, what would you call it-predictable behaviour or idiosyncracy of these characters. In the midst of writing of a report on Tin-Bigha operation gone sore in the first attempt. a senior SS IB from Kolkata, a promotee officer, descended on us on finding what went wrong and send an early report for information of the Government. We in the DIB had already drafted a detail report. The SS IB was visibly relieved that he did not have to prepare it from a scratch. His eyes lit up at the thought of piercing holes in our report. He held the sheets of paper in his hand tucked together by an alpin and he looked at me. "You don't know how to fasten the papers in an alpin? They did not teach this to you at the Academy? This edge could pierce my thumb. Who knows it could be poisoned". 'Maarben na ki?" He glared at my DIB Inspector. And then he gave us a lecture on various ways a pin could kill a person. It was past midnight when he left the DIB office instructing the DIB Inspector to bring that report to him in the Circuit House where he will peruse it wit "Thanda Maatha" where he would 'pin'point our acts of omission and commission.

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  7. Good to see humor return to your writing Vivek. So these frequent trips to godforsaken, romantic & mysterious sounding, Naxal infested, dangerous & unromantic Jungle Mahal have done some good to sharpening your humour. Would have loved to know, how predictable you are as a boss.
    WE like predictability in real life, not only in our leaders but in our friends & acquaintances too as it makes our life easy. But the fact is that it is a boring trait. We hate it in fiction. What if we are startled, amazed, shocked and astonished in our day to day life? It would be a great value addition. We would be in a perpetual state of anticipation. How refreshing would that be? Unstable, unpredictable leaders irk you but then they train & teach you the most.

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    1. Asma, unlike many other departments, police is unique. The main police powers are of search, seizure and arrest- all the three are potentially extremely intrusive on one's personal liberty which is a constitutional guarantee. Now these powers are given to a sub inspector and the potential for misuse is enormous. That is why, such a long hierarchy of senior officers- right from the Circle Inspector to Director General - just to ensure that these are not misutilized( and I do concede they have done better!). That is the prime concern of all senior officers in police, and that is why randomness and surprise and unpredictability are required in supervision techniques ( not conduct !!).

      It had been repeatedly told by my seniors during my training and early service days that one should be unpredictable , otherwise the sharp khaki subordinates would size you up. They narrated stories about how good Superintendents of Police, in their monthly crime meetings, would just not touch the points of discussion of a previous meeting and take the room by surprise by going to a completely different set of issues in the next monthly crime conference.

      One Director of CBI would make his officers squirm in their seats over pendency in investigation in one meeting , and when the poor guys would come prepared with that in the following meeting , he would not even touch it and latch on, instead, to disposal of seized items, and in the following to progress in trials and so and so forth.

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  8. How much unpredictable the bosses be, your articles are predictable for sure,as always loved the flow of your writing even of a simple FIR inside the thana.

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  9. Your blog is the perfect reminder of the humour in uniform or the college rags of the Readers Digest of the old times.Eccentricity begets art. Politicians with their eccentric tongues lash out at the beleaguered society with all forms of statements which don't amuse us.But the real one liners and the punch lines coming from the police's mouth are the real catchphrases just like the phrases which came out of one or the other odd teachers in school who delivered those categorical comments with max impact with drop dead expressionless and woody face.A Grt topic to choose for yr blog I must say sir.

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  10. It is because of the predictability of the bosses that very certainly help the subordinates to tide over difficult situations. Not just that, it is a great asset in diverting the attention ofthe bosses. How often you come across smart SPs who easily get through the annual inspections of the Range DIGs by offering games of tennis or badminton when the boss should actually be inspecting the office records. And there was this SP who loved his tangdi kebabs.The SHO smartly replaced his biggish office table with a smaller version which could accomodate few plates of tangdi kebabs and fewer reams of files that should have been inspected. And I am sure these anecdotes abound not just in uniformed services but also in the corporate world. Rahiman is sansaar mein bhaanti bhaanti ke log....

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